Texans Bouquet – DIY

I remember vividly my mom and her friends laughing when I was young planning their funerals.  Of course, I was at that tween stage where I was supposed (or thought I was) to always act as though my parents existence was an embarrassment much less them having fun and being silly.  I am glad I remember this stage because now that my daughter is (and has been for five years now) going through this stage, I can remind myself she really is listening and more than likely laughing in her mind (cause I am hilarious and of course my friends are too) and will remember this conversation as she gets older.  Heck, she is probably tweeting about it taking the credit as if she thought of these humorous ideas all on her own… because of course, I do not exist

Anyway, now that I totally went off the subject I just had another memory of their conversation.  It was at my mom’s friend, Rosemary’s house.  She had owned her own beauty shop at one time but for some reason we all started just going to her house instead.  Maybe being in her house doesn’t give you the image I have in my mind but in my head I am picturing Steal Magnolias……..  several women all hanging out at the beauty shop aka Rosemary’s kitchen table.

   

The subject of funerals had came up and they were talking about how they wanted to wear whatever outfit or how they wanted the funeral people to tape all their wrinkles back or duct tape their boobs so they would still have a cleavage, etc.

Mrs. Rosemary was cutting my mom’s hair and my mom holds her hands up and says, “Well, I want Rosemary to do my hair and nails and I want my flowers to always look nice on my grave; none of those faded ones for me.  Collette, are you paying attention to me?  You are my daughter and it is your job to make sure I get new flowers once a month”.

I remember slightly nodding my head so she wouldn’t repeat herself again or discipline me for my attitude in front of her friends.  Funny, how I didn’t even acknowledge her comment or laugh at her “joke” like everyone else did but that sentence has burned me ever since.

My grandfather died when I was about 19. I lived with my grandma for several years after.  Every month during the first week, I would drive her to the dollar store to pick up “fresh” flowers for Grandpa’s grave.  It was during that time that I realized what my mom had been referring to when she said she didn’t want her flowers to be faded.  Apparently, it bugged my grandma also because when we would replace Grandpa’s flowers every month, we would look around to either put the old ones in an empty vase so they would have flowers or we would replace some faded ones with Grandpa’s older ones.  It was then I realized I was scared to death to be buried because I didn’t want to have that headstone that had an empty vase or completely faded flowers to which people would feel sorry for me like I did these people.

Writing this reminds me I haven’t been to my Grandma’s grave in several years.  I should really head there to make sure she has pretty flowers.  That’s just the thing…………..  I know the people with empty vases have people who do care for them.  I loved my grandparents more than anyone else but I just figure their kids are taking care of their grave.  That’s the rules right?

Because of all these things I have noticed, I have decided I am going to be cremated.  My kids and hubs knows this.  The girls will keep my vase on their mantle and exchange houses every Mother’s day for a couple of years.  After that, the girls and the hubs are to go to Greece and spread my ashes because that is my dream vacation.  Now if before I die, I get to make that vacation, they are to travel to Colette and dump my ashes there because I think that is cute.  If only I knew who to call to get them to change the spelling ……..

To the point…  if you’ve made it this far thanks for listening to my babble.  I just like to explain my reasoning for my weirdness.

This past August my step father finally got my mom’s headstone.  I was so happy!!!  When making the decision on which kind to get the only thing I asked was it had a vase.  He said there was no need for a vase because he didn’t plan on going to visit her.

I told him about mom’s story above (I told you there was a reason for my babble).  He said she never mentioned anything about what she wanted.  I asked him if he would please get one I would greatly appreciate it.  He was concerned for two reasons………..

1. It would then be more expensive
2. He wasn’t going to waste money on flowers

Yes, I was annoyed by both of his reasons but I told him if money was an issue, (it wasn’t) then I would pay the difference the vase cost. He said I didn’t have to but that I had to be the one to make sure she had flowers. He said “I took care of her when she was alive. Its’ your turn when she’s dead”.

No, that did not hurt my feelings nor bother me at all …. do I lie well?

Anyways, he called me one Thursday in August to ask how much it costs at the washeteria to wash things like comforters. We discussed that and his reasoning (you don’t want to know why he needed that believe me. I can never take that visual away from my brain) along with the normal how are you convo. As we were fixing to hang up, he remembered to tell me mom’s headstone came in and was installed that A.M.

What??? This wasn’t why you called me??!!! What the hell??? Your dirty comforter is more important? Ugh!!!

No, I did not voice my anger at all! I just said, “Awesome. So since it was installed this AM, did you already put flowers in it?”. His response? “No, I told you I am not messing with flowers”.

So glad we weren’t on FaceTime so he couldn’t see my reaction. I smiled (since if you’re smiling while you’re talking it reflects in your tone) and said, “Okay. I will get some flowers on as soon as I can. Thanks”.

Then we hung up. I am sure we said Bye but I know you don’t care.

Immediately, I asked my boss if I could take off work early. It was 3:30 PM. I live in Pearland and the headstone is in Winnie. I couldn’t let my mom go another night without flowers. It was already a year and a half she didn’t have them.

Now for what kind of flowers to get………..

I never really knew of mom to ever love flowers. She never picked any up, never planted them in the yard, etc. My dad had told me once before she loved Yellow Roses. He had even bought a yellow rose bouquet for her funeral and gave to me. Since this was her first bouquet, I broke the rules and got two sets of yellow roses and hauled ass to Winnie. Thankfully, I had ran into this little ol’ black lady in Hobby Lobby and asked her if I had enough and explained it was my first time. She suggested picking up some wire cutters since I didn’t know the size but other than that, I was okay. Thank God for her advice.

From that point on, I had been thinking of mom’s next bouquet.

Do I do the fall thing like everyone else?
Do I just always keep yellow ones on there?

I decided I wanted hers to be different. I would do seasons or holidays but incorporate a “story” in each one. Or, at least make it where people would pass and say, “Oh, she must’ve loved _______”

For September, I decided on Football. She loved football. It was really annoying to me quite frankly. When she would come over and stay she would make us turn the TV on whatever game was playing… well, if the Texans or Cowboys were playing she would. I would be gritting my teeth because she would be all into the game and she had came to visit me. Another reason I chose football is because the last gift she gave me was a JJ Watt jersey.

Now that I am a “pro” when walking in Hobby Lobby, I went to the headstone section of the flowers vs. the 3.99 per stem flowers. I couldn’t find just solid Navy and White so I settled on the red, white and blue bouquets. I immediately realized I was going to have to bling this thing up dramatically so people wouldn’t think it was a July 4th bouquet and this person’s family hasn’t replaced the flowers yet.

Yes I worry about stupid crap like this constantly. This is why I love wine.

Directions – Yes, I know… finally!

I went to the wood section and decided to go with a “mum” theme sort of. I got some flat pieces of wood, 4 x 4 squares of wood and sticks and just kind of went from there walking around and trying to remember what I had at home to work with so I wouldn’t buy crap I already had.

I have app. 5500000 glue sticks since I never remember if I have any left from my last “crafting” session or better known as Pinterest Fail!

Now I am bad about not measuring or drawing straight lines so you will have to excuse me.  Here is what I did:

Spray painted all my wood (hee hee) and let dry outside

Went digging in my 5 craft junk drawers to see what I had to work with

Cut squares of different scrap papers coinciding with Texans colors or football

Just to show how cheap I am I snapped this pic to show you instead of using a different brush for the Modge Podge, I just got the dried part off this one and had a brand new brush 🙂

For the 99, I found some yellow spray paint and used the stencil to spray the numbers 99 – this is the most prep work I did I think. Of course, I didn’t “prep” completely cause the paint got all on the kitchen counters too. I am bad about getting so focused nothing else matters. The hubs cannot be around because of this reason when I have a mission.

I hot glued the bling to cover the yellow paint

I had bought a package of shiny red vinyl letters at Hobby lobby so I used those to decorate the other squares and sticks.

Then I decorated the corners or whatever with the mum trinkets I had found and some left over burlap I had found in a craft junk drawer.

Then I hot glued the sticks onto my pieces of square wood. and let dry.

This time I was really smart and realized I needed one of those Styrofoam pieces to hold the flowers still. Gosh, I feel like such a pro for real now!

I got an old vase I had so I could arrange my flowers at home so I could make any changes necessary since it was two hours away.

I did end up having to cut off about four inches of my sticks because they were sticking out too much and I was scared the wind would blow them out.

I also took a piece of burlap just in case too much stem was showing or if I needed to cover any other mistake. I didn’t know the depth of the vase so I left it as is vs. cutting it and then it not fitting the real vase.

Once I got there, I sprayed the crap out of the entire arrangement with silver spray glitter I had left over from making the girl’s mums. I totally loved it and I know mom is proud of her blingy arrangement vs. the plain flowers everyone else has.