Oh Oh Something Shiny!!!

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Just my luck — August 13, 2015

Just my luck

I remember going through high school and wondering why all my friends liked beer. I would hold one occasionally and pretend to be cool but it was pretty gross to me. As I got older, I would have a Miller Lite occasionally but never craved a beer at all.

Then came Greg!!! I love him but I have a love / hate relationship with the things he has introduced me to. One of these things is beer. I never had to worry about consuming too many calories in the day with beer or any alcohol for that matter.

Today, I am a “Wanna be beer Coinsure”. Yes, I guess you may call me a “Beer Snob” as well. I started out with Blue Moon. Now, Shiner is my “light” beer if I go anywhere. Most places don’t have a lot of dark beers but Shiner is my Go to and so is Blue Moon. Yea, weird right??? For a person who hates beer, I enjoy the stronger beers. I remember us going to The Gingerbread one day in Rice Village and him getting the darkest beer possible. I forgot what it was because I wouldn’t dare drink that. I took a sip and was grossed out to the extreme.

In the past year, I have started taking sips of his super strong beers and I enjoy them. I love the flavor of them. Who knew beer really doesn’t taste like horse piss??!!??!!!

When I go buy beer, I am still a typical girl and get the coolest beer I can find. By cool I mean the color or theme of the packaging. I follow this man on instagram who posts all his craft beers in his pictures. I saw he had Not your Father’s Root beer. Wow!!! Now, for some reason this intrigued me immediately and I went to every story trying to find it in Pearland.

Last week, I was telling my friend (who is known for driving four hours for a particular six pack) if she ever saw it to get me some. She informed me a friend of hers was just talking about it the day prior and had gotten it at Sprouts in the Heights here in Houston. Yay!!!!

So, the next day, during my lunch I made the trip. I had calculated the difference and the traffic time from my office to that sprouts. It was 24 minutes there and back. Awesome!!! That gives me 12 minutes in the store which is great since I only have $30 anyway. No money nor time to wander around the store. Get in and Get out!!!

I made it in 22 minutes (my goal on every trip is to beat the GPS) and got my beer. Of course, I had to buy my friend some also. I was so excited!

Whats’ really weird about this entire endeavor is I can’t stand Root Beer… yes, I make no sense to myself either. No Worries.

Anyway……….. on the way home, I am so excited. I have my beer and it is Friday night! Of course, there is a wreck on the way home !!!!  Ugh!! So, my lunch break went 20 minutes over. I didn’t have any ice nor a cooler to keep my beer cold so I brought in my two six packs of beer to keep in the fridge so it wouldn’t get hot in this 106 deg. weather and then get cold again.

I still don’t know if that hot / cold thing is true but these beer was 12.99 a six pack and I wanted the full effect!

I am bringing it in in my brown paper bag (my request) sprouts had put it in……… I get two feet from the fridge at my work and


The bag busted underneath, all the beers fell out and 8 beers busted!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course, then I decide to get my camera because I love to take pictures of my “stupid moments” and post them on Facebook but my camera was full. I tried deleted 40 pictures to make room for one picture………. still wouldn’t work!!!!

Is it too early to open my “root beer” at work? By this point, this beer better make me lost 30 pounds and taste like Ganache !

I did however, post my picture of my six pack so proud on Facebook bragging how I got me and my friend each one. What was the response???? Three people saying how they saw it at “normal” stores. Whatever!!!! They live in San Antonio.

I take my beer home and never even drank it. The hubs got on my nerves and I really didn’t want to indulge in my fancy beer I worked so hard for and listening to him at the same time.

Saturday, I am cleaning the house and decide I can have a break and drink me a root beer. I opened it and had a few sips……………… YUM!!!! WOW!!! Oh, it was so worth it. All the trouble was totally worth it!!! I ended up giving the rest to the hubs because once I start, I am not stopping and it was only 3:00 pm. I was still cleaning.

I ran to the store to buy some dish soap and was is displayed at the entrance???

root beer

Yep!!! You guessed it!! And cheaper too!!!!

So to everyone (my one reader) LOL! who now sees Not Your Father’s Rootbeer in the store in normal stores like Walmart, Krogers, HEB, etc….


You’re welcome!

You’ve never heard of a Rice Cooker? — February 23, 2015

You’ve never heard of a Rice Cooker?

I grew up in Winnie, Texas.  Not many people have ever heard of this town.  If they have, it is all about the restaurant there, Al-T’s Steakhouse.  It is hilarious to me because I see all my friends checking in there every time they go past Winnie on the way to Louisiana or on the way home.  It is a Tourist destination.  However, I want to tell them how people from Winnie do not go there.  The food is disgusting!  Well, their breakfast is pretty good but other than that, their food does not compare to any of the coon-ass families I grew up eating dinner with.

I have people over quite often for dinner.  Several weeks ago, I was making gumbo and had my rice cooker out.  Everyone was asking what it was.  When Jordan has friends over, they always ask what that big white thing is.  Even she is shocked!  I have to pat myself on the back.  Since leaving Winnie, I do not eat near as much rice as the normal Winnie person does but I could not live without my rice cooker.

Last week, I went to visit my Winnie friends.  While I was getting me some rice for my Etoufee out of the second full rice cooker, I told my story how people in Pearland have never seen a rice cooker.  We all laugh and they remind me I was born in Rice county where Rice is a food group.

Since I have learned to cook, I have invested in numerous small electronics.  Some are amazing.  Some, like the Rice cooker, I could not live without.  You can cook an entire meal in the rice cooker.  It has a steaming tray on top with holes.

For instance, last night, I was making my rice to side with my gumbo.  In the top tray, I seasoned some fish and fresh broccoli.  While the rice was stealing I was also cooking my lunch for today.  I have also made Quinoa in it.  I have no idea why this is not on the counter of every home.  I had a friend who never cooks and finally did her first meal in six years the other day.  She was so proud of herself.  She said she bought herself a steamer and it made things so easy.  After describing it to me, I said, “oh you bought a rice cooker?”

Tooth or Walk funny? — February 8, 2015

Tooth or Walk funny?

About three years ago, the inevitable happened…. my fake too fell out.  The main problem with this???  My husband who says he isn’t worried what others think at all (but totally is) had no clue I even had a fake tooth.  Crap!!!  Well, for better or worse right?

How do I break the news?? With humor of course.  I came down stairs with the biggest smile and said, “Congratulations!!!  You married this sexy beast”.  He asked what the hell I was talking about so I broke the news saying I had had a bridge since I was about 22.  In all honestly, I had forgotten about it.  It just fell out one day.  So, he googled immediately what I could get to get the tooth back in until I could get to the dentist.  We run down to Walgreens and buy some kind of cement. I forgot. I know it really didn’t work well because I remember a few days later, I was brushing my teeth and my tooth fell out again and went down the drain.  Crap!!!!  And, of course, with my reigning luck that I have, I was on my way to an interview.  So, I took the sink apart and got my tooth and applied the cement and arrived with my tooth in right on time!!!

Should I beg and tell this lady about my dramatic experience and what it took to get here looking presentable?

Afterwards, I made an appointment with my dentist. He is a hottie may I add.  All the girls love him.  Yes, I said girls meaning my daughter and her friends.  That is how I found him.  When I was looking for a local dentist, all their friends would say, “Oh, go to Dr. Patton. He is hot”.  So, of course you have to go to the hot dentist right?  I mean, I personally think going to the dentist is worse than going to the gyno.  Just sayen!

Ever since I pulled my braces off back when I was 19 (before remembering they had pulled my tooth so I had a fake one), I had wanted a screw in tooth.  So, the hot dentist says to get it all started we would make me a flipper to wear while I was going through the fake tooth process.  Yay!!!  We are getting started on it. I will be a real girl again!!

Of course, they have to make the mold… that is the worse thing!!!  I mean, this may sound totally nasty but hello…  it reminds of … well, ladies…..  you know… “the deed” your man so much loves.  The ooze just leaks back into the dark side of your throat.  All the while he is saying, “Not much longer. Almost there”.  Finally, he pulls it out (the mold thingy) and I reveal to him how I would much rather make a visit to the Gyno rather than having make a visit to him… hot or not.  I didn’t say the hot part I promise. I do have some cooth.

Anyway, three days later, I have my flipper.  Then the doc breaks the news of the price.  Well, yea, that isn’t going to happen.  But, I have a tooth.  My husband said we would put it on the cc if it was important but I said we would wait. I lived without it for 35 plus year, why get all fancy now?

Last week I forgot my tooth at home.  I have done this numerous times but I usually have time to come back home and get my tooth.  Well, I was already going to be about five min. late.  So, I text Greg and Jordan asking one of them to bring my tooth.

Doesn’t everyone get that same text from time to time?

So, Greg responds back saying okay.  I told him to bring me a coffee so I wouldn’t have to explain why he was showing up at my work.

Hahahah… wasn’t that a good trick to get starbucks delivered to my work??? I am a total genius I know 🙂

He shows up with my flipper in a ziplock bag and hands me my coffee and leaves.  I think he was more embarrassed than me I swear.  The next day he text saying for me to go get a tooth. He didn’t care about the cost. It was ridiculous.  So, I made an appointment with a periodontist.  I had no clue there was such a thing!!!  She isn’t a hottie like my dentist but in all honesty, I would rather a woman see me toothless than a man.  And, I think they’re more sympathetic as well.

So we are on our way to get me a tooth. It will be approximately $2000 that we don’t have but it is very humiliating when I have a few drinks at friends houses and take my teeth out.  Then the next am I am scurrying around looking for it.

True Story:

A couple of years ago, my sis n law comes into town from Virginia.  Me and her got a room with her three kids.  My mom and Step father had a room next door.  Well, her and I had a good ol’ time …  Jordan was staying with the kids.  We had three bottles of wine and realized it was 1:45.  Crap!!! We have to have our patron. So, we go to the bar which was already closed.  It was honestly a blessing in disguise because we proceeded to cruise around the hotel and taking any picture that crossed our mind.  This hotel was pretty fancy too.  I  remember hiding from employees from time to time.

The next am, we woke up at 9:30.  Jordan had already left and it was me and Shonnie with the kids. I was asleep on the floor.  We had to hurry and get everyone ready before check out.  She was getting the kids dressed and we were discussing why Jordan wasn’t there. She said Jordan had to go to work but she had woke me up before she left and I had given her money.  We were talking about how our head hurt and how stupid we were.  Of course she has no clue I have no tooth.  I laughed about something and she saw my big gap…  I immediately saw her facial expression and before she could say anything, I said, “Oh crap where is my tooth”.  So all of us are looking under the covers, beds, everywhere and suddenly she says, “Crap!!! Is there a Lion in the bathroom”.  Of course, we hysterically laugh and she says, ” I can’t believe we stood and posed in the fountain and took pictures.”.  I didn’t remember that at all. We both grab our phones and they’re both dead of course.  We hurry and load the kids up and get in the car as soon as possible to charge our phones and to see any reasons we may have extra charges put on the bill.  When we finally get the phones on and are able to look at the pictures we discover:

We had gotten in the fountain and were posing spitting out water like the other figures

Played the piano and videoed it in the entry way

cussed at the big parrot

Laid on top of a jaguar in my pajamas TRYING to look all sexy like a calendar girl

gotten behind the registration booth and pretended to work there

All this in the San Luis hotel on the seawall in our pajamas and of course un-matching socks.  We are a couple of trophy moms I tell ya !

Okay, back to the story….

Anyway, while I am on a doctor streak this week, I decided to go to a neurologist also because my feet are going numb while I run.  I have been just ignoring it because quite frankly I love to eat and I really don’t want to go to jail for killing people.  The Dr. says I more than likely have a slipped disc but that requires an MRI.  So, I scheduled that.  Yay!!!!  This year may be my year………… my hip pain may finally subside and I will have a tooth.  Holy Crap!!!!  I will be a total 5 now!!!

Friday, the imaging people call me and say the MRI is going to be 1200.  Knowing we don’t have the money for it, I cancelled the appointment.  When I came home, I was griping how insurance wouldn’t cover the MRI. I mean, it is preventive care!!!  So, they’ll pay for me to have a surgery but won’t pay to see if there is something that can be done prior????   Him, being the very supportive husband he is replies, “Well, if you want to be able to run, we can skip your teeth. You have a choice…… you can have a tooth or you can walk funny.”

I put on my shoes and went for a run……….  I figure I will just keep running til I need a surgery then insurance can pay for it then.  But, I will have my tooth in a year and I will look cute when I fall.   As it is, if I don’t run I will not be looking cute in prison for killing people since I couldn’t  run to relieve stress.  I say the tooth is priority!