I have finally came to the realization that I am old and jogging isn’t cutting it now that I am forty.  I joined a new gym and just don’t like it.  But, it is saving me $50 a month so I finally told myself “Suck it up Buttercup”.  I was a member at the YMCA for ten years.  I knew where everything was and I was able to talk to people if I felt like it or I could go into the weight room and be left alone if I wanted.

At the YMCA, I did get on the Zumba kick I admit.

Seriously, what mom would not take the opportunity to embarrass their teen daughters by pumping 100 times in class?

I have taken 2 Zumba classes at the “New” (been a member for 6 months now, gone 4 times) gym.  I don’t like it.

1.  Everyone claps and cheers after each song like they accomplished something and raise their hands up and goes “WOO”

2. The instructor is doing more of a dance routine vs. throwing in some squats, etc.

3.  This really big lady conveniently is always in front of me and I can’t see the instructor

4. I understand Zumba is supposed to be 60%  Spanish music but Gosh dangit give me my 40% of music I understand.  And, technically Enrique and Pitbull and Jennifer Lopez are considered Spanish Artists so play them in the 60%.  By Spanish it does not have to be Tejano.  I want to understand what I am pumping to.

5.  One Salsa song is enough and even that is pushing it

Whew! I feel better now.  Now what is the point of this blog?  Oh yea, I left the gym more annoyed than when I got there.

Anyway, I saw on the schedule they had a Dance Cardio class.  I figured it would be a “white version” of Zumba so I went.  I was a couple of minutes late and there was only 5 people in the class.

That should have told me something there.

The instructor was about 275 to 300 pds and she was in her fifties at least.  I figured Kudos to her and Hey, you never know…. she may have lost a lot of weight already and is in good shape.  They were marching in place but it was just a warm up right????


The instructor then added high knees, one, one, two, one, one, two.

Oh wow….  they haven’t cleaned the ac vents in awhile *bored to death looking around the room*

I decided to make the most out of the workout by doing the hop / jump with the knee thing trying to get the most out of this Senior citizen work out class.  Then the instructor says “PLease do not over extend yourself if you are new to the class” casually while she is breathing hard lifting her knees in a motherly whiney voice.  Finally, the song WITH NO WORDS is over and she plays another song with no words!!!!  I am wanting to leave by this point but I decide that is rude and she is older.  I need to show respect.  I go get some weights and figure while I am lifting my arms I could get a couple of toning things in.

I need to start lifting weights anyway

I come back with the weights and she says to the class, ” Be careful if you are using weights they may fly and hit someone. We are working out hard today”  in her Mom voice again.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I left

I decide I will do the elliptical for an hour.  I go into the gym and get everything situated on the machine….  got my ear things in, phone situated, water bottle in the holder, etc.   I Get started and the TV doesn’t work! I decide to go to another gathering all my things,  this time making sure the TV works first before getting situated again.  Yay!!!!  I found one.  After getting all situated again, machine doesn’t work!!! Finally, I find the fourth machine where everything works and it is going good.  Of course TV is so boring at 6:00 PM .  I decide to watch OITNB on my kindle.  Guess what!!! The WiFi doesn’t work.

Screw this crap!!!

I decide that this is not working for me.  No wonder I run (So I won’t kill random people) ! I decide to go to the weight side of the room and hang with the big boys.

 The following occurs:

The pin is stuck on the outer and inner thigh machine on 60 pds

The outer hip reduction machine made a sliding noise… I got up after one set of those and went to another machine

Not one person wiped down their machines after using theirs

I did four machines while this little teenager was on one machine, texting between each set.  I guess the fact that she was doing an entire two pounds does prove she deserves  the five minute break between reps.

After five minutes of trying to figure out what was wrong with the tri-cep machine,  I realized someone had locked the very last weight  meaning it was set for like 300 pounds.

I do have to admit, that was pretty slick you bratty teenage boy

The gym floor is tile and only one mat to do stomach exercises…..  who designed this place?

I head to my car and realize I forgot my keys somewhere in the gym so I head back.  Looking in every elliptical machine, I finally find my keys and spin to get off the pedal only to trip and stumble several steps.   Of course, I start laughing at myself cause I am such a dork.  I look around to see who all is laughing at me so I can laugh with them ….  not one person even made eye contact with me!!!  Even more humiliated that I was still laughing at myself, I grabbed my water and keys that I had dropped when I fell and headed out.  I get in the car and realize I am more stressed then when I arrived so I  text my friend saying to have a Jack and Coke ready for me at her house in five minutes.

I really feel as though City of Pearland should hire me as the manager because every time I have gone, I have never seen anyone over the age of 20.  I would do the following:

Hire a maintenance man for the Rec center so the machines would be working and clean the place up

Make sure all TVs work

If something is broken, put a sign on the machine


Fix the dang Wi-Fi so we can watch shows on our personal tablets

Have a manager at the gym after 5:00 pm to answer membership questions or assist the teens if they have a situation instead of all looking at each other and saying “I have no clue” constantly

If a class is Easy or Advanced, put it on the schedule so people know what to expect

Would not allow the Zumba instructors to play all Tejano music and make them play some black and 80s music instead

Have a rule of ten minutes max on machines

Have a lot more mats so people can do floor work if needed

Have cameras taking random pictures of people who don’t wipe off the equipment after use so they can instantly be put into a slide show that is playing on a huge screen for everyone to see

Each member would have their own log in number for the cardio machines.  When they get on, they enter their four numbers and immediately their shows that they had programmed to record through the gym member’s website would immediately play so you wouldn’t have any commercials

Have Netflix and Hulu capability

No gray workout pants allowed

No White workout pants allowed as well