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Intellectual Conversations Between Girlfriends — January 23, 2015

Intellectual Conversations Between Girlfriends

”  Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my mom dying. She had died in her sleep 2 hours after I had been on the phone with her planning my daughters grad party the night before.  That is how sudden it was.  I am not saying losing a parent or loved one is ever easy but I do think if they were sick prior or something like that you have time to prepare yourself mentally.  At least that is how it happened for me.  My grandmas were my saving grace growing up.  I was extremely close with them but they were sick and going “downhill” for several years prior so it wasn’t as hard as losing my mom has been.

Okay, the prequel is depressing and not what my story is really about I promise.

Since the night prior to my mom’s passing, to distract me I had scheduled a date with my sis n law for 8:00 pm to distract me from thinking and replaying my mom and I’s last conversation over and over in my head.  My husband and I had gone out to eat and had a few beers.  After eating, he had stopped and gotten two bottles of wine for me to sit on the back porch for me and me to have my “date” of conversation about absolutely nothing! Fifteen minutes later I am stressing. She lives in Virginia and has children to put to bed so it was 8:20 before she was able to call.

Don’t you hate it when your children interfere with your social life?  I mean, they need to learn we have priorities.

It was killing me.  My husband won’t admit it but I am quite sure he is as much thankful for my phone dates I have with my girlfriends as well.  He doesn’t have to sit and listen and try to dissect the exceptionally profound conversations us women have.  He certainly does not appreciate our perception of what is important. That is for sure. He is not a talker and has no social life.  I needed distraction fast!!!!

OMG!!!  He is on his second glass.  He is fixing to start talking.  Great!!!  I will hear about the latest printer he worked on or his ninja fighting stuff.  God I wish he would get guy friends and get a hobby and talk about the important things going on in the world like me and my friends do.  Please hurry and call Captain Vagina before he gets on a roll. 

Finally, she calls and we discuss the major events of the world going on for the next 2 hours.

Warning:  The next portion of this blog is very intellectual and serious issues going on in the world.  You may need a dictionary or thesaurus to interpret the extreme diversity of our conversation.

1. She was turning 40 at midnight.  I had bought a new wine glass for my date with her that said “40 is Sexy”

2.My story of spending six hours on Amazon trying to find her the perfect gift. I had $250 of gifts that I thought were great, useful or totally useless but would make her smile because only her or I would understand it.  For instance, my brother is a Captain in the navy so he is “important”.  Since she is a C.O.W. she is required to host one fancy party a year.  She was telling me how she gets so  that she wants to bang her head against the wall and drool on herself. So, I had put her a square Pad in my shopping cart so that she could gracefully bang her head against the wall during these ever so awful situations and still look cute with her hair fixed.  Perhaps I would sew a pocket on the bottom as well so she could re-apply her lip gloss after to look as beautiful and sophisticated as the other polished C.O.W.s.  I also had her some “Shart Wipes” for when she goes out this weekend again with her friends to celebrate her birthday.  Oh, and you can’t forget the “Pee Pee Pads” (Poise but only 30 times more expensive because of the hilarious name and cute packaging). Since she was turning 40, you may have more unexpected farts so I had some fart pads as well.  They apparently put off a powder smell so nobody knows.  With every gift idea I shared with her, we each told a story about why that was actually probably needed at one point in our lives.  Her story included the weekend prior, her and her friends had gone out and her friend did actually shart while at the club.  Then, there was the story how they were Victoria Secret panties so she wasn’t dare going to throw her “fancy Panties ” away so she went commando the rest of the night, wrapped her panties in a towel and shoved them in her purse.  When you’re a mom of little ones lets face it…..  your kids get Monogrammed Mud Pie panties but you get the package of ten from Walmart for $6.95.  Victoria secret panties are to be cherished and only worn if you are hanging out with your girlfriends on the slight chance you may go to the bathroom together or be changing in front of another.

Men need to face it… we don’t dress for them, we don’t wear our “pretty panties” for them, nor do we wax for them. Those items are to make other women think we are taken care of and are in total control of our lives.  Of course, with good friends those things aren’t necessary and you laugh at yourself when you try to be sophisticated like them.

The point of our conversation is it is so much less embarrassing to shop online.

I promise there is a point

When I was done and went to my cart to check out,  I had 32 items in my cart.  I didn’t have to deal with the embarrassing moment at the register of realizing I spent too much and taking out items of my cart and putting them on the candy rack or going around the store empting my cart before I made it to the register.  I went through everything and decided although all the stuff I mentioned above, among many other things I had put in that I thought was “us” and would totally make her laugh, they were just that.  They would never actually be used and perhaps maybe be a good re-gift for another friend at their birthday.  So, I hesitantly deleted the unpractical stuff from my cart and only purchased the items that I knew would be used but still had “meaning” between us.

tipsy wine glasses

Every woman loves wine glasses!!  I told her when the glasses start to stand straight up, it is time to go to bed.  I am a good friend like that.  Everyone needs to know their limit.

kids wine glass

Lets face it, our children have all embarrassed us and there have been times in public we wanted to say that to the person behind us when our kids have said something inappropriate or how after dressing your four year old and making sure she was dressed to appear in public somehow does not have on panties.  Of course, you don’t realize this horrific, embarrassing moment until you’re at the playground looking like mommy of the year and your child is on the monkey bars yelling, “Mommy Mommy look at me”.  And that is when you look up to see what awesome trick your daughter is doing (that is so much more advanced since the seven year old playing with them of course) only to find them hanging upside down in their adorable little dress with matching bow and of course no panties.  To which at that moment, you grab your “Parenting” magazine( which secretly has your Kindle stuck in the middle that is opened to your Fifty Shades of Gray) and leave immediately.

wine shirt

And most importantly, if we are always wearing yoga pants then it is obvious to everyone that we are hard core women who just left the gym and are on our way to the store to pick up a gluten free, organic, fat free meal to cook for our children.

These are the kinds of gifts I like to get my friends.  Ones that are “between us” and that perhaps nobody else will understand but when they use the gifts or see them, they will immediately smile and remember one of our many stupid moments that we have had together.

Okay, back to the serious four hour conversation of making a difference in the world. 

4.  What all we’re going to do when her husband goes off to sea and how we can get my husband registered in the Navy as well so I will be on vacation too

5.  How her come on line to her husband is “Hey Baby, Want some Guacamole”.  I personally did not get this at all.  She said it is from the movie “Stepbrothers”.

stepbrothers

6.  How to get your doctor to prescribe Xanax

7. How we both have our “fancy” Workout / Yoga pants for when we are “dressing up” and going into town to get groceries or going to the mall

8.  How her last Gyno visit went…. she knew she was going so she did what every woman does…  shaved her legs, painted her toe nails, douched, etc.  She even shaved her entire “hoo hah” because that is the “in” thing right now that all the put together women do.  She felt very confident about herself.  However, while the Doctor left and gave her time to get undressed, while taking her panties off and neatly folding her panties and tucking them in her shirt (You know you do it too) she somehow had glitter in her panties.  We have all seen that e-mail forward in the 90s but never did I know anyone it happened to.  This is a moment when she wished her children were still wearing diapers so she probably would’ve had some baby wipes in her purse to clean up any evidence of being a high end stripper.  When her GNO entered the room, she immediately explained how she has no clue how glitter got anywhere around her Hoo Hah and swore she didn’t do that on purpose.  I mean, we all hope the doctor thinks we are always that well groomed right?  Then the moment comes… she spreads her legs and the procedure moves forward and you don’t make eye contact w/ the doctor anymore. She leaves you to put your clothes on and tells you to meet her in her office to discuss any concerns.  Why do they do this?  I mean, do they really think it takes the awkwardness away just because you now have on clothes?  My friend is then informed and given a lecture on how bad it is for your Hoo Hah to be shaved or waxed and how some hair down there is needed and she is subjecting herself to an infection and bacteria.  That is the thing every woman wants to hear right?  I mean, she went through all that trouble for nothing.  And, to top it off the doctor did not mention how pretty her toes were!!!

9.  Once you have children and you have your dreaded yearly exam, to some extent you get excited when it is time to schedule your appointment.  That means you get to have a pedicure!!   Some women do this on a monthly thing.  But to people like me and my sis n law, it is a rare occurrence and is limited to a special occasion or as mentioned above, your yearly visit.

10. How lucky she is to still have Gyno visits…  I am jealous of women who do because now I don’t have the excuse of getting a pedicure since I have had a hysterectomy. I also don’t have that week out of the month for a free excuse to not have to put out. Neither do I have  the freedom to pretend my Aunt Flo is hanging around longer than usual.  So next time you have your dreaded time of the month, think about the positives.

Oh, I am sorry Hun…  That Dang Aunt Flo won’t leave… Ugh!!!

By this point, it is midnight and we realize I got to ring in her 40th with her.  Of course I sing her Happy Birthday .  Did you know I was a former Rock Star?  I mean, I am the one who  taught Carrie how to sing. Here is her picture from the 2013 awards along with an excerpt from her Thank you speech in case you missed it or forgot it or did not know who she was referring to.

carrie 2

“But  Most importantly, I would like to thank my idol, Collette.  Without her, I would have never even had a goal to aim for.  One day, I will sing as well as her”

 

Of course,  Captain Vagina was very moved by my serenade.  Somehow after that we were cut off.  She text me the next a.m. and said she was so moved by my angelic serenade that her phone lost power due to the moisture from her tears.  To which I replied, “Don’t worry.  It happens all the time when I sing for my friends. ”

 

 

 

Obviously Heartless — January 20, 2015

Obviously Heartless

 

 

 

“When I came home 11 years ago and my ex husband was sober I knew something was wrong.

Were the Kids in trouble?  Did something happen to my Grandma?  Did you get fired?

All these things were running through my head.  But, no, none of these tragic things were happening.  In shock, I carried on with my usual habits when coming home from work.  Well, the girls weren’t home so I really don’t remember what I did.  I know it wasn’t cooking cause the only thing I knew how to cook at the time was hamburger helper.  I am sure I probably went over to my neighbors and vented at how I didn’t know what to do since he was sober then went for my daily run.  At this point, I am probably making up anything I may say that I did.  I will be honest, I was a lousy wife.

raising hand

Well, I didn’t cook nor make his plate. I didn’t iron his clothes nor hang on every word.

Wait…………..  that is how my mom said a good wife acted.  I think I was actually normal because none of my friends cook for their husbands.

Oh well, I wasn’t the best. Lets’ say that.  Anyway, I remember sitting on the couch and the curiosity just took over my mouth (like always)

Why aren’t you drunk today?

Because I was looking for an apartment and I am moving out in two weeks.

Without trying to hide me jumping up and down, I say, “Well, where do you plan on sleeping until then?”.

As I am typing this I realize that was extremely rude.  LOL!  But, I am sorry. I am laughing.  He had worn me down at this point obviously. I really am not heartless but by this point, we had had 3 cars repossessed,  I had a $50 grocery budget to spend a week with two kids in elementary, I had just found out three months prior that our house was in foreclosure, and he was hiding over $800 a month and wouldn’t tell me where it was going.  So, I will admit I was numb by this point and was glad he was leaving.

Back to the point… shiny squirrel

Two weeks came and gone. We didn’t tell the girls until right before he left.  They came home from school and he sat down and told them he was going to go live somewhere else but would come visit them and he still loved them, etc.  All the things you’re supposed to say basically.  They were five and six.  I really don’t think they understood what he was saying because they said, “okay.  Love you” and went to change for gymnastics. He left.

Fast forward past all the drama

My first weekend that he had the girls was hard.  I didn’t know where he was living. He wouldn’t tell me. I wanted to know where they were, etc.  From the time he left to the time he had them his first weekend, I had found out a lot of information where my kids safety was a concern.  Finally, he agreed he would keep them for the weekend and stay with his mother.  Whew… I was relieved and could enjoy my free babysitter for the weekend.

What was I to do ???  Go out with my other new single “friend”?  Go watch a chick flick?

Nope…  my decision was to celebrate him leaving by getting me a bottle of wine and taking over his closet.  Oh my gosh!!! I was so excited!!!  We didn’t have a huge walk in closet. Our house had been built in the 60s so we had 2 small closets, his and her style.  So yes!!!  I turned on the radio and moved all my pants over to his side of the closet. I now had a pant and a shirt closet.  I spread out my shoes and matched them up and they didn’t have to set on top of each other anymore. I was so excited.  Of course, it led into color coordinating and sorting by types, etc.   I obviously enjoyed the entire situation too much.

Around 9:30, my friend stopped by to check on me and brought me some wine since I hadn’t been answering my phone.  She was worried thinking it had suddenly hit me my husband had left me. I am sure she pictured me in the fetal position crying in the shower or something equally humiliating.  She comes into my room yelling my name searching for me.  I turn around and she has a bottle of wine in her hands saying she was wondering how I was doing and was stopping by  to drag me out of the house to go party with her because I shouldn’t be alone in my “condition”.  Of course, as the words are coming out of her mouth I am showing her my newly expanded, color coordinated, season coordinated, and event coordinated closet.  I grabbed the wine and told her I would ssssooo take that and she can stop by after she goes out if she wants to check out my new organized drawers since I now also have an extra chest of drawers.

My excitement was overwhelming to her.  She laughed at me and called me Monica as she always did.  Out of our friendship, she always referred to herself as “Rachel” and me and “Monica” cause I was always cleaning.  This sight in front of her at that very moment just proved her theory correct.  I was newly divorced, had a free babysitter for the weekend, and what was I doing???  Ecstatically cleaning my closet and drawers.  She tried talking me into going out with her and bar hopping but I had no interest.  That wasn’t me.  So, she had a glass of wine with me and laughed at my dorkiness with me.  I didn’t care.  I had never had a closet that big. I was in heaven.

Fast Forward to now

I have a friend who has been divorced for a year now.  However, she was separated for a year before it was final.  He had cheated on her with a good friend. Not a one night stand either but had been having a full on relationship with this girl for three years right under her nose.  To make things worse, their group of friends had all known about it and had been covering for the two the entire time.  So, she was extremely upset.  She had every right to be.  She is the type of person who has the face book statuses like:

One day I will be my old self again

It is so hard to be so nice all the time

He may have broke me down but one day I will smile again

Prayers for my world breaking apart

You get the point……………..

I admit, I sometimes want to get on FB and say things like that but I won’t because I don’t want to have my phone going off 100 times with comments like, ” I am there for you. You can pull through. You are an awesome person”.  etc.

 If I do put something like that, my true friends will say, “You get the shovel and wine, I will dig the hole”

If my boss would stop coming around the corner, and it wasn’t so close to lunch, I would so insert Dixie Chicks Goodbye Earl here

During her first year, we would get a text from her usually about once a week. It was to me and about four other girls who are all friends.  She would send a text saying how her life is so hard or why is all this happening to her, etc.  Of course everyone would respond with what a great person she is and how stupid he is and she will stand again one day, etc.  ALL OF WHICH I DO AGREE WITH but after about six months, I get tired of saying the same thing over to the same messages.  Finally, one day I text back saying how she needed to put her big girl panties on and go get laid.

Yep…  awesome friend advice right there  raising hand

I also carried on a little more saying how she is the only person who can help herself and her still going to dinner with him or calling all their “friends” etc.  is what is holding her back.  She never said anything but I never got a response and her and a couple of other of the girls have gone out on their own since then. I am sure I sounded harsh and rude but Good Lord…………..  I mean, if you’re having a bad day or something yes.  Send a text saying You need some cheering up or something but that is all she would ever send as a group message.  To this day, that is all she will send.  Never has there been a text informing us about her real life.  I know within the past two years, she has moved, gotten a new dog, got a new job, etc.  I mean, things that are really cool and are “text worthy”.

I do have to say the past six months, she has left her whining to her FB statuses or posting quotes and scriptures.  Those are okay. I mean, I can choose to ignore them but if they’re sent specifically to me in a text, you have to acknowledge them.

Last Thursday, she sent a random texts to everyone saying ” I need my girls and ya’lls opinions. I am so hurt”.  She continues how her ex had just left her house had tried to kiss her and said he is thinking of asking his “new woman” to marry him but if she wants to marry him he would rather marry her.  She is saying how her heart hurts and she doesn’t know if he is just saying that or if he means it and she doesn’t know if she should tell his new woman, etc.  So of course, everyone responds how she is better without him and she is just too nice to and he knows that, etc. By this point, I am getting annoyed.  Everyone has stuff that goes on in their lives. Two of the girls in the group text lost their father last year, I lost my mom, my daughter left me to live at Disney World, another has serious health issues that nobody else really knows about,  and another is a single mom.  But yet, she is still crying about her ex husband leaving her who cheated on her, still owes her money, didn’t work for five years of their marriage, etc.  And, they don’t have kids together.  They didn’t even own a house.    She continues on how she hopes Karma will catch up to him, and he has hurt her continuously, etc.

STOP WHINING ALREADY!!!

So, I decided to respond with the same thing I did a year ago but nicer and also trying to point out to her in a nice way that other people have problems too (and she is draining us) .  I responded how I have gone through hell for ten years now with the ex and I have learned that a person can either dwell on it or power through it and continue to live their life and how me losing my mom this year along with my daughter plus court battle, etc, It has been hard but you have to continue on and not dwell on the negative.   I told her the best way to get back at him is to press on with her life and to stop being available to him period and he has no reason to even go to her house. She obviously missed my point of other people have bigger problems LOL!  She carried on for the next couple of days how she was good to him, he hurt her, etc.  Of course, my other friend stroked her ego continuously and I quit reading the texts.

I don’t understand if people do this kind of thing continuously. Is it the attention????    Then, if you’re asking for advice, don’t argue back every piece that is given to you.  It annoys me when people constantly say “I miss ya’ll so much” and I suggest ways to meet or dates and they never even try to make it work.

Then again, maybe my irritation is more jealousy ..  nobody is texting me how special I am and how I am beautiful on the inside and out.  I am not the most confident person and actually have a lot of insecurities but I don’t want some fake repetitive “Your beautiful and special” BS that I have sought out.

GAG !!!

gagging

P.S. I really love my friend and she is a very nice person and I can’t wait til she gets back to her old self.   I do understand that people hurt in different ways.  Some (me) deal with their anxiety through humor, some reach out to the world, and some become a hermit.  I am a firm believer in just because someone isn’t smiling, it doesn’t mean they’re not excited on the inside and just cause someone is smiling on the outside doesn’t mean they’re not crying on the inside.

 

BTW… he left her house that pm and went to propose to his little girlfriend .  Yep… I would be upset about losing that winner.

 

Boring but not boring weekend — January 12, 2015

Boring but not boring weekend

This past weekend was disgusting.  If you aren’t from Houston, you may not know we get to use our big coats on the average of 5 days a year.  That is a ccccooolllllddddd year.  For the most part, that is a good thing.  My perfect weather is about 60 degrees.  You can still wear shorts and you can also pull the riding boots out.  Yes, I know riding boots is for “cold weather” but I be damned if I am only going to wear my boots 5 times a year.  I mean, I have 15 pair.  They’re my latest fashion obsession.  As I gain weight every year, my boots are very forgiving and they still fit.  They’re my best friend.

Okay, totally off the subject.

On top of being cold, it also rained all weekend.  Blah!!!!  In the suburbs there is nothing to do inside unless you are going to a movie or going out to eat.  By Friday, my meals for the week were gone and quite honestly, I didn’t want to eat at home.  So, I talked Greg into going out to eat.  We went to our cheap Mexican restaurant where the food is so so and the margaritas are cheap.

Its’ all about priorities

After we ate Greg said, “Lets go to a Pearland Bar “.

Wwwwhhhhhaaattttt?????  Pops wants to go out???? 

Last time we went to a Pearland bar we got stared at.  I felt like a tourist in my own town.  We only stayed about ten minutes.  So, I was pretty nervous.  He said there was this house bar down the road from the Dojo so we headed that way.  There were no lights outside.  It was pretty scary. I told him he was going in first.  However, the minute we walked in side, I fell in love. I felt like I was back home in Winnie.  Our eyes were burning from smoke smell the minute we walked on the patio, there were pool tables, etc.  Oh yea…………..  this is my kind of place.

Of course, you could tell everyone knew everyone so I was pretty nervous if they would be friendly to newcomers.  There was an open seat at the bar and I asked the bartender if it was open.  She said, “No Lisa is sitting there”.  So, we wondered off to this table by the dart boards.  There was an older man, his wife, a young couple and an older lady playing darts.  The man would come talk to us occasionally.  After about an hour, the older woman came to “quiz” us.

“Whats’ your name precious?”

Collette

What kind of hell’s name is that?

LOL!  I know..  some people call me C though cause it is hard to pronounce.

I don’t like C either. You don’t look like a C.  Next time you come I will have a name for you. I am Momma Patti.

Laughing at her seriousness, Well, nice to meet you Momma Patti. This is Greg

Oh, now you look like a Greg. We will keep your name. This one here…. yea, something has to be done about that

She ended up hanging with us for a couple of hours.  We learned she had already been to prison.  Her son and daughter N law were the young couple playing darts by us.  Her husband died years ago. She works at Dow Chemical plant.  She loved to party.  Needless to say, she kept us entertained.  The other people she was with would come over occasionally and visit with us.  At one point, a dog came in.  It was like he was a human coming in for his Miller Lite.  Everyone said hello. He went to everyone and let them give him a pet.  Then he plopped down and just chilled the rest of the night.  I asked about him and they told me he lived down the road and did belong to someone.  He just goes there every night and hangs out for awhile then leaves.  It was totally adorable.  Makes you wonder about re-incarnation and what he was in his prior life.  I am not saying I believe in that. I am just saying it makes you wonder.

Around 9:00 this “biker gang” came in. One of them brought a jar of Apple Moonshine for Momma Patti and she paid him $20.  I asked him how long he had been doing it since I fiddle around with moonshine as well.  He said it was only his 3rd batch and he had been playing around with the recipe.  I asked if he got his recipe from Pinterest.  He blushed and turned around guilty like.  We had to laugh.  This big tough biker dude gets on Pinterest and searches recipes.

We finally left around 10:00.  We had bought some tamales from some lady who had came in and were getting hungry.  Plus, Jordan was bothering us to go home.  We told our new friends bye and they said to please come back.  We have been in Pearland for 7 years now.  We have been places but never sat and talked with anyone, much less learn their names.  For the first time, I can say I had a good time and can’t wait to take a friend and go back.  Pearland is so full of “wannabes” as I like to call them.  They act like they’re better than everyone and are constantly aiming for this perfect status.  It isn’t my thing. Grant it, I have met some people who I have became to call my friends.  We just prefer to hang out at someone’s house rather than go out though because it is all chain restaurants or yuppie filled bars.  Finally, I found a place we could go to, cut a rug (not that Greg would dance with me though), play some pool, and don’t have to worry if I am in the latest and greatest fashion ensemble.

Saturday, I woke up around 11:00a.m. and saw Greg wasn’t in bed. Now, I have tried telling him the rules over and over how if you are the first to wake up, you start breakfast. Or heck, at least make coffee.  Of course, he still has not grasped this concept.  When I asked him what he made for breakfast, he responded, “there is nothing here”.

One day he will learn those are fighting words

So, to prove a point, I got up and made a huge breakfast. I made bacon, gravy, hash brown, re-heated some biscuits I made the other day, and cut up an avocado.  Needless to say, we were stuffed til supper that night.

You know, now that I am typing this, perhaps that is his plan.  This happens quite often. Everytime he says there is nothing to eat I go in the kitchen and whip up the largest meal of all meals to prove a point that if he moves things around or burns a calorie cooking, there is plenty of food. 

The rain was still pouring so I got prepared and made a vow to myself I was going to be lazy.  Yes, it was hard but I made myself.  I finished season 2 of Chicago Fire and watched 2 episodes of Season 3.  Gosh, that Kelly is HOT!  Finally, I got up and took a shower around 4:00 pm to buy groceries.  Yes, in the rain!!!!  Ugh!!!!!  But, I was craving Chili so I had to go get the stuff.  I finished that around 7:00 and we watched a movie and played Trivia Crack and Word Crack the rest of the night.  Woo Hoo!

Sunday, I woke up around 8:00 a.m. I tired my best to go back to sleep.  In my head I am thinking the earlier I wake up , the more time I have for boredom.  Remembering I still had more Chicago Fire to catch up on, I hurried to get up and beat Greg to the TV.  Out of pure rebellion, I did not cook breakfast.  Although I did make coffee.  I ate four pieces of the cookie cake ( Yes four) Jordan had brought home from the party the night before.  After watching three episodes, Greg came downstairs and said he was going to buy gray paint to paint Avery’s room.  So, I jumped up to take a shower so I could tag along aka supervise his paint selection.

OMG!!!!  We get to  leave the house!!!!  And, maybe I can sneak me some sand paper or something in there to get started on one of the many furniture projects I pinned on Pinterest this weekend. 

When we get home, I helped him clean the walls and take everything out of the room.  I decided helping him was not the smartest thing to do.  We kill each other when we work together.  So, I figured I would clean since he was doing something productive.

Dang Over Achiever!!!! 

I went to the store and got me some stuff and hooked up my Audible book to my Bluetooth headphones and went to town.  I don’t know if I was really into the book or what but I busted tail and got it all done in like 2 hours. I even re-organized my make up!  If you like listening to audio books, I highly suggest this method.  It was my first time and I enjoyed it.  I was listening to “On the Line”.  It is a series about Firefighters with some mature adult content 🙂

I finished cleaning around 5:00 and decided to start supper.  I made Tamale Casserole. Then Greg comes in saying all the Chili I made is gone from last night.  Holy Crap!!!!  Well, at least he liked something I made.  So, I whipped up another batch.  It only takes 30 minutes and I was in the kitchen anyways.  Once I started both dishes, I opened the fridge and saw my Homemade chicken pot pie sitting there.  I had totally forgotten about it .  I had made it Saturday evening while I was making the other batch of Chili.  Oh well.  we definitely have enough food to last the week.

Now to start my furniture project.

I have a side table that has been in Avery’s room.  I decided since we are painting the room gray, this piece of furniture would be the perfect first “victim” for my red distressed piece I want to try. If it turns out good, I am going to do my china cabinet red.  So, I go outside and sand it down. Of course, it is still raining and my garage ifs full of plants so I gather about ten pieces of newspaper (wet of course) and set a couple of the table legs on .  I had some red primer.  Well, then comes safety chief saying I can’t do that cause I am going to over spray, etc.  Who cares??? It is the back porch and I had ten pieces o  Paper.  He carried on and on repeating himself and pointing out every safety dilemma that could possible happen.  I finally told him not to worry. I would do it when he wasn’t around but I would go in the kitchen and cook and clean like I am supposed to do .  Ten minutes later, He told me he had me some paper laid out so he was sure I wouldn’t over spray on the concrete.  I told him I was already busy cleaning and cooking more.  He asked me my plan and I told him that all I was able to do up to this point was sand and paint four layers of the paint / primer since I did not have the glaze yet.  Needless to say, he went outside every 30 minutes and sprayed them down while I finished supper.

Hahahaha…. my plan worked

Finally, it quit raining around 10:00 pm.  Jordan had came home from work so we all sat in the living room eating either homemade chicken pot pie, chili, or tamale pie.  Aren’t those all rainy day yummy foods?  Then  we all sat around playing Trivia crack on our phones with each other while watching the Golden Globes.  I like to call that Quality Family time.

 

The point of my blog today is that even though we didn’t do anything it was actually a half way fun weekend.  This am while I was washing my hair I was bummed we didn’t have some exciting weekend.  But, once I got to thinking about it, we had a nice, productive weekend.  We went out to dinner, went to a bar and had some drinks, made three meals for the week, cleaned the house very well, painted Avery’s old room, started my first furniture re-do, had family game night ( Yes, all of us playing games against each on the couch is family game night).

But my ah ha moment was when I crawled in to bed last night and remembered I had washed the sheets while cleaning the house and was able to crawl into my Downy smelling  bed.  Its the little things that matter.  When you think about the positive, you will realize how positive your life really is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My very first chocolate pie — January 5, 2015

My very first chocolate pie

 

Growing up, traditions were not something me or my brother were a customed to when it came to holidays.  Well, maybe there were traditions……

New step-parent every year

Weeks of arguing where we would be for Christmas Day

Traveling to at least five places all day long

I am not griping at all.  At the time, we thought that was normal. We didn’t know.  And we have had lots of laughter talking about the memories. I like to say my family put the Fun in Dysfunctional.  There were a few things that were always present no matter what.  One was my grandma’s chocolate pie and my grandma’s sugar cookies. They were a staple no matter what.  I grew up extremely close with my Grandma Lindemann. I still say today if it had not been for her, there is no telling how I would have turned out.  She was my rock.  She is the one thing I knew would always be there. She lived in the same house, went to the same grocery store on Thursdays, woke up at the same time every morning and watched the same shows everyday. I grew up in Winnie with my mom but during the summer I would go stay quite a while with my dad and he would take me to stay with my grandma Lindemann or Grandma Harbes every day while him and my step mom were at work.  I loved going both places.  They were my favorite people in the world.

As my grandma Lindemann got older, she started taking short cuts with her baking and cooking. I never said a word and ate with a smile and listened to her latest “change” and acted as though it was just the same.  Heck, she was 70 years old.  Good Lord.  Her specialty was desserts.  Her meringue was always perfect. It was at least 3 inches high. Of course, I didn’t appreciate this “talent” at all.  I feel bad admitting it but I took the meringue off every pie she put it on.  Of course, seeing it all the time did give me a “standard” . When I would visit other’s holidays and I would see their “attempt” at a meringue I would think in the back of my mind how they so desperately had no clue obviously.

When my grandma died, my mom pretty much took over the roll of reproducing my grandma’s sugar cookies and her chocolate pies.  She would arrive and be so proud and want us all to gawk over her beautiful dessert and then tell a story about grandma.  I will admit, it was quite annoying at times.  I was thinking what is the big deal???  Grandma did it every year and never asked for a trophy.  I think some of it was also jealousy.  Mom would make a point to say how the chocolate pie was specifically for my brother.  So, I assume the cookies were just for me???  Okay, I know they weren’t but can I pretend please?  I would get a little jealous since every holiday grandma would make me a special dessert.  She always made me a cottage cheese pie every Christmas and every Birthday.  But, I also understand that cottage cheese is not everyone’s “thing”.  That was between my grandma and I.

When my mom passed away, the only thing my brother mentioned he would like is one of grandma’s old pie plates.  Well, unfortunately, none of my grandma’s stuff much less my mom’s stuff has become available to me or him.  I am just crossing my fingers hoping my step dad has not given everything away.

Okay, I will shut up before I get on that rage.  Happy Thoughts!!!!

A couple of months ago, I came across an old pie plate Tracy was talking about.  At that moment, I decided I was going to ATTEMPT a chocolate pie for him for Christmas.  I mean, we didn’t have 20141224_222848

many traditions coming up but if there was something I could do about keeping one thing somewhat normal, I was going try.

 

I asked my aunt if she had grandma’s pie crust recipe and she said no.  Of course, my mom probably has it since she kind of took the pie thing over but it isn’t like my step dad wants me going through any of her stuff.  So, I had to improvise.  I have a copy of the “Walkins Cook Book ” from the 1930s.  I figure that would be the best place to start.

 

Here is the pie crust recipe:

1 1/2 cups sifted flour

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp Watkins baking powder (don’t think this exists anymore.LOL)

1/2 c. shortening

1/4 c. butter (no cheap stuff)

1/4 c. or less ice water

Sift dry ingredients together and work in chilled shortening lightly.  Add ice water slowly and roll on lightly floured board.  Line pie tin,  have dough well over edge of pan.  Roll dough outwards from center, keep in circular form.

Hints from the Hint section in the Watkins cook book :

You can use lard

Use only enough water to hold dough together.  Chill for several hours or overnight

Do not grease pie tin.  Just dust with flour

Make circle 2″ bigger than pie pan upside down and cut so you will have hangover for the edges

Brush the edges with egg whites to brown and give a nice color

The border should stand up over the edge so nothing will fall out over edges

To bake with filling inside put in 350 deg. oven and bake 40 to 50 min.

To bake shell only, poke holes in shell with fork and bake for 12 to 15 min. at 400 deg.

My hint: I doubled the recipe just in case so I knew I would have enough for my shell to hang over like Grandma’s did.

 

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As you can tell, I don’t do a very good “circle”. After four attempts and a few tears I finally got it. It still wasn’t big enough to make the beautiful waves I was so going for so I added extra dough onto the sides and tried to mimic the way that Carla Hall did it on the Chew one morning.  She made it look so easy.  Also, my crust was uneven so I got a wine cork and rubbed it vertically up the sides to try and smooth it out which would make lots more come over the top and it was an ongoing issue.  My husband tried to come help but me being stubborn as I am told him to go upstairs and I would figure it out on my own.

Yep, ADHD moment………..  frustration and anxiety cause it isn’t perfect.  Ugh!!! I will get this dangit!

So, yes it ended up with full fledged fingers instead of the pretty “waves” but I had to tell myself it would all be okay.  I placed it in the oven to brown and one of the fingers fell off when I took it out.  Trying not to break down in tears and start bauling, I told myself one finger gone would be okay.

While that was cooking I had started on the filling.  I was really stressed about this since I am very picky about my pies.  Ever go somewhere and you are so excited to see the chocolate pie but of course you wait til the first slice is gone.  An hour later you go back and it is cut into but the filling is all spread through the entire plate, looking more like a melting pudding pop then a cake?  Yea, totally ruins my appetite.  I was very worried this would happen.  So, I told myself since my crust wasn’t beautiful the filling had to make up for it.

For the filling, I turned to my favorite Texas Food blogger, The Homesick Texan.e only thing I did differently was use Hershey’s DARK cocoa.  I just love it more. It gives everything more richness.  And, I like to say I am fighting cancer while eating my dark chocolate. And, it is less calories so of course it is healthy right?

http://www.homesicktexan.com/2008/09/grandmas-chocolate-pie.html?m=1
Homesick Texans Chocolate Pie

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Now don’t quote me but I am almost positive I doubled the filling.  I knew this was a deeper than normal pie plate and I wanted it to be full.

Another one of my pet peeves……….  more crust than filling

I know I stood there stirring for about half an hour. I wanted it so thick my wisk wouldn’t move anymore.  When reviewing her recipe, she had said that you have to get it as thick as you want before putting it in the fridge cause it does not thicken up once it gets cold.  Awesome that she put that note!!!  I would not have thought that at all.  I think that is why I love her so much.  She does give little details like that that some people probably take for granted.

So, Christmas morning, I am so excited about my “gift” for my brother. It wasn’t really the pie. It was more about the pie plate.  I wasn’t going to say anything and just decided to wait and see if he noticed.  Of course, him being a man, he didn’t. He brought his piece and I said, “Did you notice what it was baked in? I found it so you get to keep it since that is all you asked about when mom died?”. His answer???  “I asked for that?”.  Typical man…….

Ten minutes later, my step mom goes to the pie and says, “Thats’ where my pie plate was. I have been looking for that. I must’ve left it there at your house last Christmas”.  I told her how I thought it was grandma Lindemanns and she said it was hers.  I told her the story and she laughed and told my brother he could still keep it anyway.  I felt bad. I was so disappointed It isn’t like I feel her plate wasn’t important. It is just we haven’t been able to get anything really from my mom’s.  When I have gone through things, none of my grandma’s stuff that I know my mom had is there.  I don’t know if other women have came and taken it or its’ been thrown away since it was “old”.  All I know is I was so excited thinking we got at least one of my grandma’s memories and it ended up not being hers.  Yes, I am bitter and angry. I admit it.  Ha!  If Gaylyn’s “church friends” are the ones who took the stuff, it is just stuff to them.  They obviously have no respect for me nor care about what may be important.

Okay, on a rant again… I will shut up!

Over all, I was very proud of my first pie. I wasn’t impressed about my “finger” reaching over the top but I am sure that will get better with practice.  I liked the dark chocolate flavor better than the regular chocolate flavor. The pie crust was awesome.  It was flaky as heck.  My brother asked how I got my grandma’s crust recipe and I told him I got it from a really old cook book. He said it was dead on.  (patting my own shoulder).

Until next year……..

 

as far as chocolate pies go